How to Stop Being A People Pleaser & Stop Sabotaging Your Career

The Price of Being Too Nice: Why People-Pleasing Is Sabotaging Your Career

Listen friend, while you might be everyone’s favorite co-worker, being a people pleaser is quietly sabotaging your career and your well-being.

Here’s a truth bomb for ya- people-pleasing isn’t kindness, It’s self-neglect disguised as a need for external validation and a fear of confrontation, and it’s keeping you stuck in a cycle that’s draining your energy, confidence and potential for career growth.

By constantly saying "yes" to everything, you're being seen as a dependable doer rather than a strategic leader.

While you’re busy trying to keep everyone happy, you're not showing your potential to make high-level decisions or lead with authority.

Until you break out of that pattern, you're holding yourself back from advancing to the next level of your career.

Here’s the good news! It doesn’t have to stay this way, by learning to set boundaries (and sticking to them) you can shift how others see you and more importantly how you see yourself!

Why You’re A People Pleaser

You were likely taught from a young age to “be nice” “don’t make a fuss” and rewarded for being quiet and agreeable.

Maybe you were the peacemaker in the family, the one who kept everyone smiling and sharing their toys with the other kids in the sandbox.  

You believed that being nice meant being liked and you received approval from the authority figures in your life like your parents, teachers, family members and caregivers.

That feeling of approval and being liked led you to compliance, avoiding confrontation and prioritizing harmony over happiness.

Fast forward to present day and those beliefs and behaviors have crept into the way you navigate your career—causing you to overwork, overextend, and ultimately be overlooked.

Why People-Pleasing Is Career Sabotage

I hate to break it to you, but people-pleasing in the workplace is essentially giving others the green light to undervalue you.

When you are the person who is constantly saying “yes” you aren’t seen as the person who can make the BIG decisions or the person who can lead during periods of ambiguity and crisis.

 So, what’s really happening when you’re saying “yes” to everything and everyone? Let’s dive into five ways people-pleasing can be holding you back in your career.

1. Burnout: Every time you say yes to something you should’ve said no to, you’re pushing yourself closer to burnout. By taking on more than you can handle (because you don’t want to disappoint anyone), you’re risking your health and your career performance.
2. Lack of Boundaries: People will assume you're always available and can be interrupted at any time. Once this is the expectation, your time and expertise won’t be respected.
3. Missed Promotions: If you're spending your days firefighting other people’s tasks, and problems guess whose career progress is being put on hold? Yours.
4. Underutilized Skills: When you're the go-to “helper” in the office, your real talents get overlooked. You’re so busy rescuing others, you’re not developing or showcasing your own strengths.
5. Perception of Weakness: In leadership roles, being overly accommodating may be perceived as a lack of decisiveness or strength—two qualities crucial for climbing the corporate ladder.

You’re here because you want to make changes, right? Perfect. You SHOULD stop being a people pleaser because it will create boundaries, restore respect, and give your career room to grow. Here’s exactly how you CAN break the cycle—step by step.

5 Ways to Stop Being a People Pleaser

1. Learn to Say “No” (Without Apologizing)

It’s two little letters, one syllable—and yet, saying “no” can feel like climbing Mount Everest in flip-flops, right?

Here’s the deal: learning how to say “no” without apologizing is an absolute game-changer.

Seriously, it puts you back in the driver’s seat of your life and career.

Before you know it you’ll set boundaries all over the place, you’ll start to prioritize your own needs without a shred of guilt, and as an added bonus, you’ll earn some serious respect from your colleagues.

Trust me, they’ll think twice before trying to pass off their workload on you again.

Now, I get it—saying “no” might feel a little awkward at first, like you’re speaking a new language.

But here’s a secret: you don’t owe anyone a 10-minute explanation or an apology.

Once you get the hang of it, you’ll be blown away by the positive impact it has on your life and your career.

Pro Tips to Get You Started:

• Start Small: Don’t feel like you need to dive in headfirst. Practice saying “no” to smaller things, like those optional meetings that are time-suckers. It’ll build your confidence for the bigger asks.
• Script It: If you’re worried you’ll cave in when the moment comes, have a go-to phrase ready. Something like, “I really appreciate you thinking of me, but I’m not able to take on anything new right now.” Boom! Done!

The more you practice, the easier it gets. And before you know it, you’ll have time back on your calendar to go to yoga class, spend time with your friends and work on your career development.  

You’ll be wondering why you ever felt bad about saying “no” in the first place!

2. Set Boundaries and Communicate Them
Boundaries are your best friend, and yes, you CAN set them by clearly communicating your availability and capacity.

Let your team know when you’re available each day for calls and share your expectations on how you handle last-minute requests.

• Quick Tip: Say something like, “I’m available for questions between 1–3 PM. After that, I’m focusing on projects that need my attention.”
• 411 vs 911 Another easy way to remember is to share examples of what items are information or nice to know that can wait or be sent in an e-mail vs the urgent matters that require an immediate call.

3. Shift your mindset from needing everyone’s approval to speaking up for yourself
It’s time to stop chasing validation from others and start trusting your instincts.

Start speaking up in meetings and offering your perspective without worrying about how it's received.

When making decisions, stop second-guessing yourself and calling your peers to ask for their opinion and start saying things like, “I’ve evaluated the situation, and this is the best path forward.” Own it.

4. Prioritize yourself and your own work goals first
It’s okay to put yourself first—promise!

Each Month block time on your calendar for your personal development, your important meetings, your Dr appointments, the things that you have always put off because you were so busy taking care of everyone else.

The Eisenhower Matrix is a great tool to get you started.

5.  Don’t Take on Other People’s Problems
If you’re the office therapist, it’s time to resign from that post. You can be empathetic without over-investing in other people’s work drama.

Quick Tip: The next time someone comes to you with an issue, you can listen but put the responsibility of solving the issue on them. Try saying, That sounds like a challenge, what do you think you should do?

You CAN ditch the people-pleaser personality and show up for yourself the way you’ve been showing up for everyone else.

The world won’t end if you say no, I promise you, people will somhow find a way to pick up the pieces and move on.

“You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.” — Tony Gaskins

Hey, I know it might feel a little challenging at first—like any new skill, setting boundaries and handing responsibility back takes practice.

When you stick with it, because it gets easier and remember each time you say no to someone else’s problems or work, you are saying yes to yourself.

If you find yourself needing a bit of help or accountability, don’t hesitate to reach out to a mentor, your boss, or even a coach to guide you through it.

Speaking of which, if you’d like to dive deeper into building strategies that work for you, I’d love to help. Reach out to me for a free strategy session, and we’ll tackle it together—first one’s on the house!